Serena there is no us, it's only you
by ItsMeEmily
Summary: A continuation of 'The Return of the Ring', the last episode of Season 5 of Gossip Girl. Dan realises that maybe he didn't mean what he has said to Serena, but can he take back his actions? Or can he never get over Blair Waldorf?
1. Chapter 1

"Now that our parents are splitting up, I never have to see you again."

But the anger in Dan Humphrey's voice was to soon subside. After getting out of the cab with Georgina, his heart set on writing another novel; the true novel set in his heart he realised one thing. That those words could have cost him the best thing in his life as an Upper East Sider. The only girl he'd ever really loved, besides Blair; but the events of the past week or two had made him question even that relationship.

Slamming the door of the cab containing Georgina behind him, he swung his bag back over his shoulder. His mind was buzzing with fresh thoughts about his book colliding with those lingering from his unpleasant... ending with Serena. He began to stride down the streets of New York, only stopping to pick up a cup of coffee at his favourite stand along the way. As he neared the corner of the street, he waved a cab conveniently nearby to pull up next to him, something he had adjusted to since his increased outings to the Upper East Side. Climbing into the cab and setting his bag on the newly upholstered leather seat to his left, his mind began to wander painfully as the set off for Brooklyn.

He began automatically replaying the events of the past few hours; losing Blair to Chuck, plotting with Georgina and reuniting with Serena for a short while, even if it was just for her to destroy her best friend. It all seemed quite surreal to Dan, how much had happened and changed in the past week or two. What hurt him the most was what he would give just to go back to a couple of weeks ago, with a beautiful woman in his arms and his father still married, everyone living their lives with a certain sense of security and content-to some extent anyway.

His unconscious thoughts were simultaneously interrupted by a fierce vibrate, coming from the breast pocket of his jacket. He pulled out his cell phone, somewhat cautiously, and paused to read the most recent Gossip Girl blast. As he processed the information, the only sound being the odd beep of a car horn or the buzzing chatter or commuters outside, a sense of loss filled him. He had to scroll back to the top and re-read it, only then making it real that Blair had chosen, and it was not him;

'Spotted: B reuniting with Chuck in a casino in Paris. Poor Lonely Boy, didn't he know he was just little Jennifer in Angelina and Brad's on-going love affair? xoxo'

He remembered the last thing he had said to Blair; "I need to know how you feel about me. By tonight." He should have known that the second those words left his lips, he had lost her.

It wasn't until the driver cleared his throat a little impatiently, that Dan realised that they were parked at the side of the road, the Loft stood outside the window to his left. Paying the fare, Dan got out of the cab, once again swinging his bag over his shoulder. A crisp breeze swept his hair from his forehead before it settled back lazily over his eyes; it really was getting too long. "I've got to get this cut", he muttered to himself, ascending the stairs to the Loft. He replaced his phone back in his coat pocket, the new information playing on his mind. As he rustled himself up a quick snack, it had been a long day after all, Dan could almost hear the ultimatum he had given Serena in almost exactly the same place as he was standing. He could recall how angry and frustrated he was at her, but how much of that was fuelled by Blair's imminent rendezvous with Chuck after she'd stood him up? Finishing the last bite of his sandwich, he realised that his cell phone was buzzing angrily... it couldn't be another blast?! The caller I.D. displayed Nate's name, and he answered it, sighing heavily with relief; "Hey Nate..."

"Dan. Have you seen Gossip Girl?" Of course he was unaware of Chuck's departure; I guess he was busy moving Lola into the apartment.

"About Chuck and Blair? Yeah I-"

"No, about Serena. Weren't you the last person to talk to her?!"  
Serena. Up until an hour ago he had not wanted to know, or cared for that matter where she had gone after her visit to the Loft, hoping to restart their relationship.

Unsure of what to shape his next reply into, he answered; "I don't know, I assume so since her and Blair aren't talking after the diary entries on Gossip Girl and-"

"Well what are you going to do about it?"

"What?! Nate, I haven't seen that blast..."

He could hear his friend pause on the other line, clearly hesitant to be the one to tell Dan what it had said.

"Well... it says that she's been seen leaving the city on a train...who knows where she'll end up, we know what happened last time- she didn't come back for 6 years." A flood of guilt gushed through Dan, no doubt that added to her feuds with Blair, his own declaration may have caused her reckless escape.

"Oh okay, thanks Nate. I'll try and get hold of her but I'm sure I'm the last person she'd want to talk to." He could hear the concern in Nate's voice, it was clear that when Serena left, she rarely had any intention in returning.

"Thanks dude, sorry I was the one to tell you."

"It's not your fault, I would have found out anyway." He said as he hung up the phone, somewhat pleased that he still may have a best friend who cares about him.

Pulling his ear away from his cell phone, the display showed one new message and a missed call- his father. He decided to ignore the missed call, certain that if it was important Rufus would try again. Opening the one new message, slightly unwillingly, Dan scanned the blast about Serena, studying the picture accompanying it closely;

'De ja vu, S spotted leaving the city on a train, and it seems she has a new companion with her. Who knows where she is going but from past experience, she won't be in a rush to return...xoxo'

Dan didn't recognise the man nuzzling at Serena's neck in the photo, but he did feel somewhat responsible. He must have known that without Blair by her side to help her, she might have done something like this. Pushing out the fact that he might have actually enjoyed the time he spent with Serena before he knew of her scheming, Dan knew that her own deceit caused this.

However maybe that was for the best? Maybe Serena's inappropriate plotting was simply making way for something that could have, or would have inevitably happened between them in the future, whether Dan's relationship with Blair continued or not? He fully regretted telling her he didn't want to see her again, that was clear. Blair didn't want him anymore, maybe he should have let in the one person who might have done.

He knew he could not carry on like this, constantly arguing with his own thoughts. Something needed to be done, or Dan knew he would only continue wondering what could have happened for the rest of summer. Before retreating to his bedroom, Dan pulled out his wallet and laid a crisp five dollar bill on the counter for Rufus. He began to clear out the receipts in his wallet, which had become was so full that the zip barely shut. He smoothed out a random receipt which looked tussled enough to be from years ago.

Except that it was.

It was from a restaurant on the Upper East Side, for an order of an appetizer and a $78 serving of duck.

The first girl he dated from the Upper East Side. The first, and only girl he had loved.

Now Dan knew what he had to do before he left for Rome, if he left for Rome.

He had to save Serena from her downward spiral.


	2. Chapter 2

Three days had passed since Dan had returned home to the Loft. Rufus had made frequent appearances, but he was often occupied elsewhere, only really stopping overnight and taking no real interest in Dan's well-being since his unexpected divorce.

With Blair in Paris with Eleanor, and Nate busy with Lola and The Spectator, he didn't really have anyone to share his thoughts with. Not that Blair would be at all concerned, it seemed she had pushed Serena away almost as hard as he had done;

_Get out, take your things, I want you gone. _

This led Dan to arguing with himself, was that for the best? Should he have acted differently? It hardly mattered anymore, because he couldn't change what he had done.

Eating breakfast, lunch, then dinner alone at the table in the Humphrey residence was getting quite repetitive. Today had blurred into yesterday, and that into the day before. As he ate the last spoonful of a microwaved ready meal he had prepared for his dinner, his phone began to vibrate. Picking it up, he could see it was Georgina, and automatically rejected her call, which added to the 11 other missed calls from the previous two days. It wasn't as if he was regretting the decision to write a novel, more that he didn't know quite what to say or write. The anger and betrayal that he had felt when he agreed to his deal with Georgina seemed to have reduced, leaving him torn with what to do. However he knew that the novel he had first written was not the full truth.

Setting his cell back down on the table next to him, Dan stood up and went over to the kitchen to put his empty bowl on the surface.

Just about to return to the comfort of his bedroom, his eyes were drawn back to the surface. Sitting there almost like a pair of looming eyes, were his pair of tickets to Rome. His flight left two days from now but he was more unsure than ever if he would actually go to the retreat. It seemed a shame to use just one, this was supposed to be his immense summer getaway with Blair and now, that was ruined. This again forced himself to think about Blair's departure and his utmost stupidity; in what world would she choose him, Lonely Boy, over Chuck Bass?

His success? More.

His reputation? Superior.

His wealth? Larger.

The title 'Lonely Boy' seemed extremely suitable at this moment.

However he knew now who he would choose to take with him on that retreat, to spend the summer with. If only he'd had the sense to realise before it was too late.

Within three days of complete disconnection from society, Dan had begun thinking over his novel. At first he was sure how much he longed to betray, to exploit the Upper East Side. Or so he had thought, now he wasn't sure how much of that was true...

'The moment Jenny and I ventured into the world as an Upper East Sider, the moment our lives changed- and not for the better.'

The first line Dan had drafted for his novel was staring at him from a piece of note paper. Right now he wanted to scrawl repeatedly through it with a marker pen. His opinion had never differed so greatly than it had now; of course it hadn't always been positive but in ways he had never been happier. He only wished he could have it back, he hoped desperately that some sense of normality would be restored after summer.

The black-tie events, the family breakfasts, the Gossip Girl blasts.

Just as he screwed the piece of paper containing that sentence into a tight ball, Rufus Humphrey entered through the door, a sense of purpose about him.

"Oh, Dan I wasn't expecting you still up..." This accusation was based on some fact, Dan had scarcely been surfacing from his bedroom, only for necessary food supplies.

"I was just eating Dad, and doing...some thinking."

"Aren't you supposed to be going to Rome soon?"

"Tomorrow, but I'm not sure that I'm going anymore. Too much on my mind."

"Don't you think that would be a wasted opportunity? It would be good for you Dan."

"Y'know, I don't think its what I need, there will always be other opportunities right?" His father stood opposite him, clearly unimpressed by his news. "How are things with Lily?"

"Me and Lil are having some issues still, but yes, were working through them. I guess this annulment was a bit of a surprise on us both-"

"I still think you should fight for her Dad, she was the one person you ever really loved and you're just going to admit defeat and give up?"

"This isn't the time for your opinions Dan, it wasn't working for a long time, its over. I'm not even certain we're talking about me and Lily anymore. Maybe you should think about going to Rome, I think you need to get away," he said as he strode into his room, shutting the door forcefully behind him.

"I thought he said it wasn't time for opinions?" Dan muttered over his breath. It furied him that his father wasn't even going to try with Lily, he'd give everything for another chance with Serena even though he didn't deserve it.

As he walked over to his bedroom door, ready for another night of endless thoughts, he paused and returned to his cell phone abandoned on the table. He opened a new SMS, texting Nate:

"Hey man, can we talk tomorrow? Its important."

He pressed 'send", before replacing it back on the table where he had picked it up from.

'Lonely Boy set to travel to Rome alone on his trip or not? Come out from under that rock you're living under in Brooklyn, you can't hide from B and S forever. Rome? Will he won't he...xoxo'

Throwing himself onto his bed, his hands thrust behind his head and a deep sigh leaving his lips. He began to stare out of the window, not quite tired enough to sleep. His eyes fixed on the fire escape, where Vanessa would appear spontaneously, and often inappropriately. Dan was saddened at the thought that another of his friends; at times his best friend, at times his lover had been driven away by the schemes of the Upper East Side.

His thoughts turned to the decision awaiting him. Go to Rome alone, or not at all. He couldn't help thinking that maybe Rome would be good for him, maybe he needed the time away?

Or maybe it would just distract him from the harsh reality that he would have to face inevitably.

Finally about to slip into unconsciousness, Dan found his mind wandering, back to the wedding reception of Blair and Prince Louis.

'I love you Dan Humphrey. Always have, always will.'

And his eyelids drooped, sending him into a temporary peace


	3. Chapter 3

Opening his eyes, Dan scanned his bedroom through squinted pupils. He had managed to day dream himself to sleep, pondering innocently about irrelevent things and dreaming of things that had happened in the past. This explained why he had awoken so confused and disorientated, he felt like he had been dreaming for days on end.

All seemed awake outside his bedroom window, with the daylight beaming in on him whilst he slept and the birds tweeting nonchalantly. He stretched out his arms which seemed to have been stuck behind his head as his fingers were locked together, and his fingers were caught in his moppy hair. He then turned his neck to look at his alarm clock, hearing a small crack in his neck and reading the time as 11:31. He could hear Rufus singing absent mindedly in the kitchen, however he concluded that he was not expecting Dan to engage in friendly conversation after their debate last night. He sprang to his feet, strangely up beat after quite a deep sleep and then made his bed, although it didn't take too long as it seemed he hadn't even made it under his duvet before had fallen asleep. Dan made his way straight to the bathroom to have a shower, before thinking about what he would do that day. This would probably much the same as he had been doing for almost a week; nothing.

The heavenly scent of bacon swarmed into Dan's nostrils as he opened his bedroom door, seeing Rufus swaying to the music on the radio.

"Daniel, just in time. Bacon?" He beckoned a plate toward Dan, but he simply took one piece and popped it in his mouth, the crisp edges and delicious taste overwhelming his taste buds. He drew his hand away from his mouth and wiped the grease from his fingertips onto his sweat pants.

"Mmm thank you, but I'd best be getting in the shower, I'm meeting Nate soon."

"Nice to see you moving for once, there will be a plate for you once you get out." The corners of his mouth turned up just slightly as he shot his son a small smirk, before he left to sit on the couch, turning on the day time shows with the hand unoccupied by a plate of bacon. Clearly he wasn't too annoyed about their argument the previous night. Dan turned on his heel and made a bee line for the bathroom, before undressing and stepping into the shower, letting the boiling hot water take over him...

Stepping onto the cool, slippery tiles of the bathroom floor, Dan grabbed a towel from the stool near the far wall. He dried his face and shook out his hair before tying it around his waist and returning to his bedroom. He picked up the plate of bacon on the way which was left on the side, tossing another piece into his mouth and smiling to himself at its heavenly taste. He then went to his wardrobe and picked out a simple blue button down shirt and jeans, then rolling up the sleeves. He sprayed himself with deodarant, finished off the bacon and went back out to the living room, picking up his cell phone from where he had left it the previous night. There was yet another two missed calls from Georgina which he knew he had to return soon, a message from Nate and another Gossip Girl blast. Ignoring Georgina once more, Dan opened the message from Nate;

"Hey Dan. Yeah that sounds great. Coffee at 1?"

He typed a short reply, eager to read the new blast. "Sure, see you then." He then continued to open the blast...

"Jack and Chuck Bass back in business together for more family scheming? I don't know about you but I'm excited to see how it turns out this time. What does this mean for Blair? Surely Chuck knows its never good to mix business with pleasure...xoxo"

"Pfft, like that will stop him," Dan muttered under his breath in reply to the blast. Not only was he going to be continually updated on their new relationship or whatever it would turn out to be, but he had to watch while she was undoubtedly put second best next to his business ventures. Returning to the home screen of his phone the time read 11:56, one hour until he had to be at the coffee shop.

He still could not believe that Blair was letting herself get back into such a complicated relationship, but she was not Dan's responsibility anymore. Hopefully Nate would be able to provide him with more answers. He went and found his bag and swung it over his shoulder, before slipping on his shoes and grabbing a jacket.

"Thanks for the bacon Dad. I'm going to go and meet Nate now, I won't be late home."

Peeling his eyes away from the television, Rufus nodded and replied, "Okay Dan, see you later."

Dan opened the door to the Loft and stepped outside, letting the door shut and clatter loudly behind him. He went down the staircase and opened the door at the bottom, a pleasant breeze catching his hair once again. The sun was shining brightly as people and vehicles moved around him. He began to walk up the connecting road toward a parked cab, and got in after telling the driver his destination.

Similarly to a few days ago, he put his bag on the seat next to him and sat with his hands in his lap for his journey to the Upper East Side. He checked the time on his phone once more, ensuring he would be there with plenty of time. He decided to call Georgina as she was clearly eager to speak to him. Dialling her number and put the phone to his ear, he listened as the dial toned repeated, almost thinking she wasn't going to answer...

"Dan?"

"Georgina, hi."

"I've called you like 20 times...have you been under a rock or something?"

"Sorry, I've had a lot on my mind recently and-"

"Judging by Gossip Girl's posts you haven't been doing anything since I spoke to you last!"

"Look, sorry I've been ignoring you... But I'm calling you now; what's with all the missed calls?"

"I found out some interesting things about Serena and Chuck and-"

"Georgina I appreciate it but I really don't know if I want to write that novel any more. I mean I probably will at some point, but right now I just don't think its a good idea."

"Why not? They have all betrayed you one time or another, surely you owe it to yourself to write the truth..."

"I know I probably do, but they're my friends. I just don't think I could do it."

"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't looking forward to digging up every piece of information about your 'friends', but if that's what you want then you know where to find me."

Dan sighed with relief, "Thank you, enjoy your summer."

He hung up his phone, feeling slightly guilty that he had led her on in this new idea of his, but knowing it was the best thing to do. As Dan returned his cell phone to the pocket of his jeans, they had almost reached the Upper East Side by now. He looked out of the window of the cab as they drove past buildings and people and signs of life. Recognising the streets, he asked the cab driver to pull over and as he paid the fare, he opened the door and stepped onto the road. He inhaled deeply, taking in the scents of the streets around him, ones he had begun to miss in his state of semi-haitus.

Walking down the road toward the coffee shop, he saw a student eagerly typing on their cell phone while not taking their eyes off of him, no doubt sending in a tip to Gossip Girl that he had finally emerged. I pulled out my phone to check the time once again; 12:24. Dan knew he had at least a half hour until Nate arrived, if not more.

Spontaneously, he began to walk in the opposite direction to the coffee shop, uneager to wait that long for Nate alone. Just five minutes later he arrived at the building he could recognise from a mile off, still looming tall and intimidatingly over him. He managed to get into the building without being questioned by any of the staff, it wasn't as if they wouldn't recognise him, he had been there often enough. As the elevator neared the top, Dan's heart beat began to speed up, in some ways he was not welcome here any more.

But he could not turn back now.

The button lit, indicating that he was at the top of the building and the doors opened, revealing the one person he wanted to and needed to see. They both stood there, it almost felt like they hadn't seen eachother in months.

"Hello Daniel."

The person on the other side of the door greeted him and began to pull him into an embrace.

"Lily."


	4. Chapter 4

As he was released Dan pulled away to face Lily, a woman he had seen as his mother for years now. He was extremely pleased to have taken this detour from his meeting with Nate, he had missed her and hated how the annulment had separated them.

Looking around the apartment, Bart was not there but his prescence lingered like a bad smell, as though you could never get rid of him. It no longer had the touch of my father, and even if Bart had not moved back in with Lily, the apartment was not the same one he had visited so often, it seemed eerie and uncomfortable.

His observations were interrupted by Lily, it seemed Dan's expression was full of confusion which puzzled her.

"Sorry-" he cut off her questioning looks, "it just feels a lot different from when I last came here that's all."

"I know Daniel, I've had a clear out and made it much more...me. Enough about the apartment, what brings you here?"

"Well I was in the neighbourhood to meet Nate for coffee and I thought I'd come and see you before I went, see how you're doing."

"That's sweet of you and it means a lot, I've missed you. How is your father doing?"

Dan shrugged, "As well as can be expected, he's having a hard time coming to terms with it I think..." He began to back track as Lily's face started to display concern and regret, and put on a forced smile, "But he's doing well."

"I'm sorry for putting you through this, but I think our annulment was the best way forward."

Dan was silent, he certainly did not agree with this statement but as Rufus had pointed out, it was not his place to say. However she was looking at him expectantly, so he simply replied, "Well that was up to you two, I'm sure it was for the best. Has Bart moved back in?"

"No." Lily was quick to deliver such a snappy response, it was clearly something she did not want to talk about. He knew he shouldn't have asked, but if Rufus found out he had been here, it would probably be the first thing he would want to know.

"Well the place looks great Lily" Dan grinned at her and she was quick to return it, her perfectly shaped lips turned up at the corners, exposing her teeth. She had clearly missed Dan as much as he had her.

"Did you want to stay for some lunch?"

Dan pulled out his cell phone from the pocket of his jeans to check the time.

"I'd love to, but I need to meet Nate soon. Maybe we can do this again some time?"

Although a stream of disappointment tainted the happiness in her eyes, she agreed, "Of course, another time."

"Great. Before I go, I was wondering if you'd heard from Serena?"

Lily was clearly thinking about what to tell him, she paused cautiously. "No actually, I haven't. She told me about Blair kicking her out, and that you and her had a...slight disagreement. She said she needed to get away from everything here, so I guess she went away on a spa weekend in Paris or some where similar. Have you?"

"No...like you said we had quite a disagreement, I doubt that she'll ever want to talk to me again."

Lily could see the worry in Dan's eyes, the regret in his tone of voice. Serena had demanded that she didn't tell anyone where she had gone, and she had to respect her daughters wishes.

_Please don't tell anyone where I'm going, Mom. Not that they'll ask, all of my friends have pretty much disowned me._

_Of course my darling, just be safe Serena._

"I'm sure she'll come around, she just needs some time. Don't worry Daniel." This seemed to temporarily reassure Dan, but he was certain that she was just humouring him. Serena wasn't looking after herself, judging by the Gossip Girl blast. Someone had to help her or she might never return from this.

And that would be partially his fault.

"Okay...but tell me if anything happens to her. I'd never forgive myself."

"Of course, see you soon for that lunch you owe me?"

"Definitely. Its been good to see you Lily." That same grin spread across her face once again, her pale pink lipstick cracked slightly as she smiled.

At least some things didn't have to change.

She pulled him into a tight hug once more, holding him there for a short while.

"See you soon," he waved back at her as he headed toward the lift, stepping through the doors after a few seconds once they had parted. He pressed the button for the ground floor and watched as the doors closed on Lily. At least he had got some answers from her, even though he could not guarantee the truth.

As he reached the bottom of the lift, Dan headed out onto the streets of New York, passing Vanya as he shot him a friendly smile and let him through the door. He retraced the steps he had taken less than fifteen minutes ago; past the couples in the park, people jogging down the streets.

Reaching the coffee shop, Dan scanned the seats through the window, not expecting Nate to be there yet. Sure enough he was right, and so he took a seat at an empty table and ordered himself a coffee, his usual. Once again he checked his phone, making sure he hadn't missed Nate. The time read 12:54, he should arrive soon enough.

After spending another ten minutes or so watching the lives of busy people walking past the coffee shop and sipping his coffee, Nate waltzed through the door. He scanned the shop similarly to how Dan had done earlier and once he had seen him, he walked over to the table, a smile spread across his face.

"Hey man!" Nate greeted his friend, it felt as though they hadn't seen each other in more than just a couple of weeks.

"Nate, hi. I was just about to order another, you want one?" He beckoned the waitress over, who took their order.

"Of course. You haven't been here too long have you?"

"Oh no, only about ten minutes." the smile returned to Nate's face, worried for a moment that he had made Dan wait for him unneccessarily.

He then pulled the chair out from under the table and took a seat opposite his friend, looking forward to catching up with him.

The waitress brought over two cups of fresh coffee and set them down on the table in front of them both, and smiled sweetly as she returned to her duties.

"So how have you been?" Nate started the conversation after taking a sip of the boiling liquid and wiping the white froth from his upper lip.

"Not too bad... Well I haven't really been doing anything. I'm supposed to be going to Rome tomorrow but I don't think its what I need right now."

"That sucks... But maybe you should go, you have wanted to for so long right?"

"I guess, but it was meant to be mine and Blair's trip. It doesn't seem right going without her you know? But enough about me, what have you been up to?" He took a sip of coffee out of his own cup, eager to hear about Nates past few weeks, yet scalding his tongue on the coffee.

"I've mainly been focusing on The Spectator, things are going really well with Lola as well." He chuckled warmly, and Dan could tell life was treating him well these days.

"That's good to hear Nate, I'm really happy for you." Dan smiled, finally content after weeks of lies and uncertainty.

He remembered the purpose for their meeting. "Was there something you wanted to talk about?"

Dan could remember back to a few days ago when the friend sat across the table from him had told him about Serena before he had checked Gossip Girl. He was still so unsure of what he felt about the situation.

"There was...its Serena. I'm worried. Blair threw her out and I told her I never wanted to see her again and next thing we know, she's on a train with no purpose or destination and sleeping with random men. I don't know what to do..."

"Hm...Last time she did this she didn't come back for years, I didn't think she'd ever recover from that and here we are again. Do you have any idea where she is?"

"Not exactly...but I've been to see Lily and she's been told not to tell any of us."

"I see...do you want to see her? Surely you said all of those things because you didn't."

Dan thought this through, much the same as he had a few days ago once he had learnt of Blair and Chuck's relationship.

"I've been thinking a lot about it and I wish I hadn't have said those things. Even if I did mean them I'd never want something like this to come out of it." Dan pulled his chair in to let someone through behind him as Nate finished the end of his latte. They both knew they couldn't just watch this happen, however were unsure of how to go about it.

"Do you think we should find out where she is? Or let her have some space for a while...See if we really need to step in?" This sounded reasonable to Dan, she would probably need time away after the events of the past few weeks.

"That sounds like a good idea," Dan replied, finally finishing the last gulp of his coffee which was now lukewarm. They continued to talk about their lives; Chuck's departure, Blair's taking over of her mothers company and the scores of the sport games. They began to talk about the future of The Spectator when a phone began to ring and Nate pulled out his cell phone as it buzzed.

"Elizabeth?" Dan could hear the caller speaking on the other end of the phone, rather loudly. As Nate chattered on the phone to his business partner, Dan checked his phone. He opened the most recent blast;

"Spotted- Lonely Boy and Nate having coffee on the Upper East Side, they must have a lot to catch up on. Nice to see you've come out from under your Brooklyn shaped rock, D. Xoxo"

Replacing his phone back in his pocket, he continued to wait for his friend to finish his call. He laughed to himself at how they couldn't even meet for coffee without a blast coming out of it.

"Yeah sure I'll be there soon...ok...see you then...bye." Nate hung up the phone and turned to Dan, who was watching as a familiar face walked through the door, her arm looped through the arm of a dark haired man that they didn't recognise.

However he didn't have time to stay and see who it was.

"Dan sorry, that was Elizabeth. I need to get back for a press conference. Call you later?"

Dan drew his eyes away from the woman who had just walked through the door, but was yet to notice them sitting just a few feet away.

"Sure, thanks for meeting me." Nate rushed out of the door after leaving a five dollar bill on the table, he clearly had some important business to attend to. This left Dan sitting amongst two empty coffee cups, still staring at the person who had just entered the shop and ordered from the cashier. He rose from his chair, setting down another five dollar bill with Nate's to pay for their coffee, and swung his bag over his shoulder.

He couldn't help himself, he had to go over to her.

Unsure of what he was going to say, the familiar face took care of that for him. She looked just as surprised to see him, her face mirroring what he must have been showing in his own expression.

"Dan?" She said as she unhooked her right arm and left her male companion to take their coffee.

Since he made no response, she continued.

"I'd say I wouldn't have expected to run into you here but I guess you practically live here..." He was still unsure of what to say, what do you say to someone who you haven't seen in months and who you left things so wrong and messed up with?

Finally he managed to greet her...


	5. Chapter 5

"Vanessa."

Her name managed to escape his lips as they stood in the middle of the coffee bar in New York. A surge of mixed emotions met in Dan's mind.

_Ecstatic; worried; shocked._

Although he was unsure of his true opinion on her arrival, Dan knew he was pleased to see her in some way or another.

"W-what are you doing here?" He stuttered, as he turned to see the man with Vanessa stood at her side, gawping at him. Clearly she hadn't told him about what her life was like before she had left.

"I'm back to visit some friends in Washington and I _had_ to come back here, somehow I've missed it and I thought I might catch you if I was her long enough. Plus I wanted to show Theo around, my boyfriend." The shy figure who had been standing by as they spoke suddenly changed character, extending his outstretched arm toward Dan as he automatically shook it and smiled cautiously.

"Hey, I'm Theo. Nice to meet you."

"Like wise..." His eyes gravitated back to Vanessa, it looked as though she had been doing well, she had moved on. With a new life in a new neighbourhood and a new boyfriend...Not that he would have expected anything less from her, she had always been strong.

"Its so nice to see you again Dan, I hope we can catch up before I leave in a couple of days."

Dan stood there, still taken aback by her prescence but his spirits lifted when she brought up another meeting.

"Of course, you should drop by the Loft. I'm sure my dad would love to see you."

Vanessa shifted uncomfortably on her feet, after all they hadn't left things well and he was surprised they were getting on at all. He hoped he hadn't scared her, tried to move too quickly.

"That would be nice, I'll call you tomorrow?" She said this nervously, but as though she was keen to see Rufus and Dan again. A queue of people were beginning to form behind the three of them, where Dan had stopped them abruptly in the middle of the shop.

"Of course, see you round. Nice to meet you Theo." He nodded in response, clearly not one of many words or maybe he just didn't like the thought of Vanessa's ex boyfriend and best friend. Dan took off toward the door as Vanessa took her boyfriend's hand, intertwining their fingers and leading them to an empty table. The people fluttered from behind them, continuing their business. As he allowed the door to shut behind him, Dan's phone buzzed right on cue. Of course someone would have seen Vanessa's return and sent in a tip, they were in the middle of the city and in a popular shop after all.

"Spotted; Lonely Boy and V? We thought she had run away, obviously she couldn't resist a return. Who knows what will happen next but it seems she has a new boy toy now. Sorry D... xoxo"

Dan rolled his eyes, a certain predictability to this blast. In some ways the time they had spent dating was a mistake, it meant that no one could see them as just friends again. He was not going to let this ruin his progress over the past week. Vanessa would be gone again soon, and then he could concentrate on the situation with Serena.

And Blair...And Chuck...And Rufus' marriage.

There had been no more blasts about Serena, so Dan assumed she was at least keeping safe, or perhaps the opposite.

He could still remember when Vanessa would appear outside his window at the fire escape, often inappropriately. It made him think about how wrongly she was forced from the Upper East Side and what he'd do for his best friend back.

The sun shined down, bright and warm on the back of Dan's neck as he strode back across the city. As much as he attempted to appreciate the pleasant turn in the weather, he could not manage to force Serena out of his mind. He couldn't help wondering what she was doing, whether she really was where Lily had told him. He felt utterly helpless.

If anything were to happen to her, it would be down to him. _His fault._

"There's nothing I can do right now." Dan muttered almost silently under his breath, as he began reasoning with himself once more and attempted to reassure his conscience. Going back to Lily's wouldn't help, but it might be the closest he would getting to an answer. He needed to find out where she really was, however he knew the only person who could help him, the only person with a mind for such scheming was simply not an option.

_Blair Waldorf._

Dan pushed her out of his mind almost as soon as she had come back in, shutting the door into his memories with her and throwing away the key. He knew that their break up was for the best, but it didn't make thinking about her any easier. He reached into his pocket and retrieved his phone, pressing the home button to light the display; 1:48 in the afternoon.

Just as his cell phone found his pocket, it vibrated harshly. He opened the new message, the sender was Georgina. She had attached a photo with the caption "I thought that this might be of interest to you." and so he quickly opened the image, sceptical yet intrigued. Dan furrowed his brow at the picture before him, concern and confusion meeting on his face.

Looking at him through the screen was Serena Van Der Woodsen, sitting in the booth of a night club. The plush leather seat surrounding her and a male stranger clinging possessively to her waist with one arm as his other arm was reached toward the table in front of them. What he was doing would be unclear to most.

But crystal clear to Dan.

Her eyes covered by fear, and a line of white powder in front of her.

_Cocaine._

Dan stopped in the middle of the sidewalk as he realised just how fast she was spinning out of control. How much betrayal and heartbreak she had suffered from her peers in the past few weeks had been enough to push her off the edge, heading back where she was only a few years back.

She was endangering her life and her future, wherever she was.

Dan found his head spinning uncontrollably and as he walked down the street, caught in the flow of pedestrians, he managed to find his way to a bench. He clung to the rail, clamping his eyelids shut until his vision was stable. He might have said he did not want to see Serena Van Der Woodsen again, but there was no way he could have meant it.


	6. Chapter 6

Dan Humphrey clicked the cancel button on his cell phone abruptly, sighing with relief as the photograph from Georgina disappeared from the screen in front of him. He inhaled deeply, taking in the air around him and appreciating it as it stung the back of his throat. Not only was Serena doing drugs and being completely reckless far from the people who cared about her, but his harsh outburst had made her want to do so. He had never felt such guilt, yet felt so helpless at the same time, as he had no clue who to turn to, how to save someone in such a situation.

Less than five minutes ago, he had ruled out Blair Waldorf as someone who could help him find Serena. Or someone that would even_ want _to help him. But who had the ability to scheme, and find out information which was not easily found? It was clear that Lily was hiding something, something that would keep Dan from finding Serena, but he felt further away from finding it out than before their meeting that afternoon. He pressed the button on his phone, lighting up the screen once more, and his fingertips danced frantically over the keypad;

"Lily, Nate took a rain check on our coffee. You still around for lunch?" And it was sent before he had time to undo it.

Without even waiting for a reply, he found himself headed back toward the Van Der Woodsen apartment, his footsteps widening with haste. He walked straight through the lobby and into the lift, as though it was still his home. His presence wasn't exactly there expected anymore, but the staff knew him almost as family. Dan's fore finger found the top button and it lit up, a sense of determination firing through him as he refused to leave again without some form of truth, not as he had done less than an hour ago.

As the doors parted, Dan took a step into the penthouse and looked around cautiously. It certainly was quiet, but with Serena gone and Eric on vacation, it was only Lily in permanent residence there. As he stared at the empty sofas and the spotless kitchen units, everything more or less untouched, he punched the cell phone number of his adoptive mother into his keypad. As if on cue, the sound of a familiar tune played in the distance for a minute or so, before ending abruptly, simultaneous to Dan's call to Lily going through to voice mail. The eerie silence filled the room again, it was clear that Lily wasn't here.

Dan thought that Vanya might have told him of her absence before he scaled the building, but he realized how fast he must have been walking, his eyes set on the lift doors. He could feel his heart beat slowing to normality after adrenaline had pumped through him.

"This is wrong." Dan muttered to himself, as he remembered that neither he nor his father lived here.

But he just couldn't help himself.

In desperation for answers, Dan began looking around the apartment, for any clues as to Serena's location, or anything about her "break". Just a number; an address; anything. He strode past the kitchen and dining area, a pungent scent of cleaning fluid on the perfectly gleaming floor. He headed down the corridor to Serena's room and swung the door open. His nostrils were greeted by the familiar scent of the perfume he knew so well. It was always on the nape of her neck when he kissed her, and it seemed she had not strayed from her reliable brand of perfume.

Somewhat distracted by the fond memories that had greeted him, at least five minutes had passed. However the house was still as derelict as it had been when he had entered it, the silence remained untainted and his search uninterrupted. He strode around the bedroom, allowing the tips of his fingers to grace the top of the duvet cover which was tucked in perfectly, not slept in for months. Nothing seemed out of sorts, no drawers left open or any untidiness what so ever.

Dan headed for the desk, the place where he figured anything important might be. But Serena hadn't been using this room as her own for months, she wouldn't have left anything here and he had no clue how much of her belongings were still at the Waldorfs'. He returned to the hallway, closing the door behind him, closing off the doorway to his memories with Serena. He knew that this was unforgivable if Lily found him, but he needed answers.

Dan retraced his earlier steps back past the kitchen and into the living area. He found himself scaling the stairs to the study and other bedrooms, the carpet perfectly pristine and the air filled with the scent of female perfume-Lily's this time. He headed straight for the study, his eyes drawn to the large safe in the corner. There was no way he could get into it, but he couldn't help but be intrigued at its contents. The layout looked much the same as when Dan had been living here, yet the uncomfortable foreign presence lingered in this room especially. He took a few more steps forward until he was behind the chair, and he flicked the lamp on, instantly lighting up the piles of documents on the desk. It all seemed to be business related and irrelevant to Serena, leaving Dan to grow continually frustrated.

After his eyes had scanned the top of the desk, he found himself drawn to a post-it note stuck loosely on the telephone. It simply had a hand-written address in the centre, with "-Serena" underneath it. His eyes widened at the prospect of finally having found some information, yet he knew he could not take it. He took out his cell phone hastily and typed in the address, unsure of what he could do with it. He replaced his phone back into his pocket after checking the time, but froze when he heard footsteps making their way up the stairs and down the hallway.

"Lily?!...Lily?!"

The footsteps began to grow closer; as Dan's heart beat hastened and grew louder beneath his jacket- He could do nothing. He figured he wouldn't look too suspicious if he was waiting in the living room; "I was just here waiting for Lily to come home." But he was in the study, behind the desk- he could not appear more unwelcome. The voice called out questioningly for Lily once more, now right outside the study. Dan froze, unable to say anything or get out. However he took a step to the left, away from the documents on the desk.

The figure stood in the doorway, looking questioningly at Dan.

_Bart Bass._

"Daniel Humphrey. Would you care to explain to me what you are doing in here?!"

Dan attempted to compose himself, not about to allow Bart Bass to intimidate him.

"I had plans with Lily, when she wasn't here I just came up here to see what had changed since we had moved out."

His eyes scanned Dan, it was obvious that he appeared suspicious but Bart did not question him.

"Right, I'd appreciate in future that you did not snoop through our home without our presence."

_Our?!_

"As far as I have been told, Lily is the only person living here."

"At this moment in time, yes. However that is none of your business Daniel and you have no right to wander around this home anymore."

Dan knew that he was wrong; he had as much right as Bart did but it was best not to argue with him when he had indeed been out of place.

"I'll just go downstairs and wait for Lily then."

He took a step toward Bart, before exiting the study and returning down the stairs before his odd behaviour was questioned further. He paced cautiously back down the stairs, reminding himself it would be best not to retaliate and tell Bart exactly what he thought of their current situation. He threw his bag down on the sofa, as if he still lived here, and sat down next to it. Dan could feel Bart's stare on the back of his head, clearly confused by his sudden visit, however he simply resided back to the study, working on some of the documents.

Over fifteen minutes had passed and the silence of the penthouse had still remained. Clearly Lily did not want to be contacted; otherwise she would have taken her cell phone. Dan decided to leave her to it, she must have been expecting Bart for one reason or another and he thought it best for him not to be here with Bart when Lily returned home. Concluding that he did not owe Bart anything, he simply picked up his bag and headed straight for the elevator. He figured that Bart would figure out that he had to leave and he was here for Lily, after all. Dan retraced the route he had taken almost an hour ago; back out onto the now pleasantly warm streets of the Upper East Side. He pulled out his phone from where he had left it upon Bart's surprise arrival, and saved the new piece of information in his phone safely. He had no idea how useful, or perhaps not, this would be but it was something.

Dan hopped into one of the many cabs lined up along the kerb, this journey becoming far too familiar. As he sat back in the seat until they reached Brooklyn, he quickly typed a message to his father; "On my way home now. Be back soon." He replaced the phone back in his pocket, Rufus liked to be kept updated of late. It had felt like no time at all when the driver pulled up outside the Loft and waited patiently for his fee. Dan took out a bill and handed it to the driver, before thanking him and stepping out of the cab. He smiled to himself as he climbed the stairs to his home, content with the fact that he had gained some knowledge on Serena. He pushed the door to the Loft, expecting it to be unlocked as he had warned Rufus of his arrival and sure enough, he was right.

"Dad? Dad?!"

He could hear his father talking to someone in the other room; however it was too faint for him to recognise the voice.

"Ah here's Daniel, excuse me."

Dan closed the door behind him, before looking at Rufus, expecting him to introduce his guest.

"Dan, you're home just in time, we have a visitor!"

He walked through into the dining area to see Vanessa sitting down, a cup of coffee in her hands, Theo nowhere in sight. She stood up and pulled Dan into a hug.

"Dan! Me and Theo are planning to go back tomorrow night, so I thought I'd stop by today...Is that alright?!"

Dan's face clearly displayed some shock at her presence, but he was again pleased to see her. He had almost forgotten about their encounter earlier in the coffee shop.

"That's fine; it's great to see you!" A grin spread across his face, as he sat down next to Vanessa, with Rufus sitting opposite them once he had placed a cup of coffee in front of Dan. His father did not hide the fact that he was over the moon to see her, he had been used to her being around for so long. They continued to talk about Vanessa's new home and boyfriend, while Dan filled her in about Chuck, Blair, Nate, Serena and Jenny. He was just about to ask about her new job when the phone rang, interrupting them. Dan sprang to his feet.

"I'll get it. Dad why don't you tell Vanessa about your music?" They continued to chat absent-mindedly, while Dan walked over to the phone which was ringing furiously.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Daniel." Dan's eyes widened with horror, of _course_ Bart would not resist telling Lily exactly what had happened today.

"Lily...I can explain."

"No need, just come over tomorrow for lunch. We need to talk."

"See you then..."

He hung up the phone and replaced it back in its holder on the wall. Either Lily knew what he had been looking for, or she wanted to tell him for herself.

"Who was that on the phone?" Dan looked over to Rufus and Vanessa, who were looking back him with questioning eyes.

"Just Nate, he wants to meet me again tomorrow."

The casual chat between the three resumed, and all Dan could do was wait for tomorrow...


End file.
